GINA RANALLI

I keep getting this searing pain in my left eye, which can only mean one thing: someone has finally crafted a voodoo doll in my likeness and is stabbing it repeatedly with a sewing needle.

If that someone is YOU (and I suspect that it is) please–PLEASE–stop with the needle already. I promise I won’t write any more books revealing your lack of endowment, social skills and onionesque-body odor. In fact, I’ll destroy the ones already printed and beg my publisher cease and desist as well.

I can no longer take the agony. I surrender and honestly regret ever having crossed you. Just please–no more voodoo.

Sincerely,
Gina, the meek and half-blind